But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
