my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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