It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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