then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
