Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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