Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
