The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.