Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands