Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!

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(914): View more from New York

Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

(802): View more from Vermont

So basically you were a dog.

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(801): View more from Utah

I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad

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(740): View more from Ohio

But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups

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