Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem. http://tfl.nu/6hmf

Replies (34) Good night (2069) Bad night (869)
Favorite
(912): View more from Georgia

So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.

(1-912): View more from Georgia

Who leaves their car unlocked at night?

(912): View more from Georgia

Someone who wants to read the newspaper.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(912): So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper. (1-912): Who leaves their car unlocked at night? (912): Someone who wants to read the newspaper. http://tfl.nu/c19o

Replies (23) Good night (7210) Bad night (851)
Favorite
(405): View more from Oklahoma

There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(405): There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS. http://tfl.nu/dubs

Replies (59) Good night (7253) Bad night (1611)
Favorite
(972): View more from Texas

My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(972): My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B. http://tfl.nu/k9ee

Replies (10) Good night (1177) Bad night (3618)
Favorite
(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(867): Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting? http://tfl.nu/56t0

Replies (2) Good night (2165) Bad night (1717)
Favorite
(702): View more from Nevada

I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(702): I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat. http://tfl.nu/7ors

Replies (13) Good night (4356) Bad night (1290)
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out. http://tfl.nu/306z

Replies (6) Good night (2517) Bad night (1457)
Favorite
(212): View more from New York

The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(212): The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane http://tfl.nu/6wh0

Replies (7) Good night (2161) Bad night (1037)
Favorite
(320): View more from Minnesota

I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(320): I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early .... http://tfl.nu/6r9w

Replies (12) Good night (2641) Bad night (975)
Favorite
(830): View more from Texas

No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(830): No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her http://tfl.nu/0ly7

Replies (11) Good night (2291) Bad night (674)
Favorite
(419): View more from Ohio

I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(419): I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck. http://tfl.nu/c5ir

Replies (6) Good night (1713) Bad night (948)
Favorite
(307): View more from Wyoming

I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(307): I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will... http://tfl.nu/d1km

Replies (12) Good night (1933) Bad night (1186)
Favorite
(515): View more from Iowa

When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(515): When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education? http://tfl.nu/w56v

Replies (2) Good night (1023) Bad night (413)
Favorite
(903): View more from Texas

Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(903): Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell. http://tfl.nu/clzb

Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (461)
Favorite
(781): View more from Massachusetts

Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(781): Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night http://tfl.nu/399a

Replies (1) Good night (288) Bad night (160)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard