How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
