I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
