I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
