having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
