I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize