How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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