I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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