You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
of course. lets lasso hookers.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
