rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
