I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Randomize
