FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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