Don't make out with my wife yet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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