ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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