I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
