I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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