Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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