im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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