I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
