so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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