Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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