I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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