i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize