Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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