dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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