You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
