so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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