I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
