need another drink. this is the easiest way
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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