I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize