Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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