Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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