Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
