When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
