After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
