Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
