So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
