when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
