I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
