her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
