So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
