So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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