the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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