i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
