im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
