I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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