So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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