I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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