thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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