So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The air taste purple.
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