You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
