I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
