walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
