What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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