It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
