What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
