I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
