Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
