Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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