he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
