Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
