I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
