if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
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