how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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