I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
