Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
