You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
