I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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