I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
