i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We need to get me chipped asap
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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