Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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