I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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