If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
