well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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